Triggers

Triggers are a pretty typical thing for anyone with panic disorder. Over the years I have been able to kind of narrow down what, for the most part, causes my panic attacks. Being able to identify that you're actually having a panic attack and not dying is pretty much vital for overcoming them. You can figure out ways to cope with them individually, which has really helped me, even though they're pretty unconventional and might seem weird to outsiders. I, personally, am proud to say that I've never been to the emergency room while having a panic attack because I thought I was dying, but quite a few sufferers, even some I personally know, have. What a horribly embarrassing experience that would be. My ways I cope with my triggers are not the best, just a warning. But this is how I live my life.

When I first started having regular panic attacks, I had no clue what caused them. This made my life pretty difficult since I would never be able to make them stop. I would sit around night after night, for hours and hours with my heart racing, not being able to breathe, and thinking I was going to throw up. It would start to fade away, then BOOM another one would hit me.

One of my main triggers for a full blown anxiety session, is the fear that I may possibly throw up. I have this irrational fear of throwing up and being near people who are doing so. It's so ridiculous that I can vividly remember every single time I've ever been sick in my life. It's not fun. It makes it impossible to care for my child when she is sick. Every time I have a freaking cold I obsess about possibly having the flu. So any time my stomach hurts or feels the tiniest little bit weird, or if I hear someone talking about being sick, I freak. The problem is, as my friends know, my stomach always feels weird. The way I handle this trigger is simple, but it's not a good way to live. I pretty much live off of tums, pepto, prilosec and the like. Tums are like chalky candies to me. This has been a battle with me since the beginning. It's caused me to avoid eating certain things that I probably would really like. I avoid eating leftovers that are more than a day old. I avoid eating anything that looks funny. I eat plenty of fast food, but give me one bad experience or cold meal and I will never return to your place of business. So that's pretty much how I deal with that.

Another one of my triggers is driving. It's funny because I used to drive around late at night to get RID of panic attacks, but that is definitely not the case. There have been multiple occasions where I've been on my way somewhere, had this horrible thought that I was going to pass out behind the wheel or crash my car, and I've stopped what I'm doing, turned around, and went home. This literally caused me a year ago to not leave my house for a whole entire month. My husband went everywhere for me and did everything for me outside of the house. It didn't matter who was driving, every single time I got in the car I would have the worst panic attack of my life. Driving in traffic is hell for me, especially in the rain. I probably drive like a grandma everywhere I go, but hey, it works for me. Hell, being in the car with anyone who drives too fast, especially Ryan, is hell for me. I just do my best and breathe through it. I open the windows and get some air and tell myself that I can't stay in the house for the rest of my life.

Next up, being in large or small groups of people I don't know. This is probably technically social anxiety disorder but whatever. I don't have problems 1x1. I don't find it hard to talk to people I already feel like I have a similar interest in, but when I'm with multiple people I don't know, it's the worst thing in the world. I've heard from various friends that I am unapproachable at first, but it's really just me trying to block out a panic attack. The way I deal with this is usually awkward humor, or just not talking at all and pretending like there's something cool on my phone.

Too much caffeine. I average two monsters and a cup of coffee a day nowadays, but it took many years to build that up. I need to quit while I still can. If I overdo it just the tiniest bit though I will feel like I'm going to fall out. It will end in a never ending cycle of a vicious panic frenzy and chugging bottles of water on my face until it goes away.

Being somewhere that I've had panic attacks before. This is why I quit my job at Convergys, and also why I don't go to the Walmart in Fort Oglethorpe, GA. Every single time I walk in the door I have a panic attack about having a panic attack, then I leave. So I just avoid them.

Well, that is pretty much all of the triggers that I know of at this point. I'm sure I will figure out more of them as I continue to write this blog. Overcoming my anxiety is a new mission I am on, and it gets better with time. Just remember to take life day to day because you never know what to expect with anxiety disorder. I didn't have any panic attacks for like a whole week until today. Then I went to get Chinese food and had one because I got a little dizzy in the car, so I opened the window and breathed it out until I got home. Then I had another one after I ate, so I took my medicine, painted my nails sparkly blue, and ordered some bronzer and lipgloss off HSN. The best advice that has been given to me yet, and probably the most obvious, was given to my by my father while we were on the phone for over two hours talking about how he deals with his own anxiety issues. Just remember that it's only a panic attack. You're not dying, you're going to be fine. Remember that you're not alone. There are plenty of other people that have felt the same horrible feeling you are experiencing, and if you don't know anyone personally, don't be afraid to do what I've done and google the hell out of it while you're at your worst. There are tons of support groups and blogs just like this one that have gotten me through the bad nights.

I appreciate everyone's kind words about my introduction post. I didn't really expect anyone to read and relate but I'm glad you did. Don't hesitate to contact me for any advice, or just to talk if you're having a bad day.

Until next time,
Xx Ashley C.